In The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, he talks about something he calls an upper limit problem. We all have an upper limit of satisfaction with life, that's basically our comfort level. If we are used to being in conflict with others or struggling with money, and that changes, we find some way to get back to our comfort zone. That's when self sabotage comes in.
We don't do this consciously, but there are many ways we can get back into our comfort zone. Worry, sickness/injury, criticism, conflict, blame, deflecting appreciation, and getting hurt are some ways we keep ourselves from being too happy or successful. This is why a lottery winner quickly goes back to where they were before they won.
There are 4 main false beliefs that we have that are an integral part of our upper limit. They are:
- Feeling fundamentally flawed, believing that "I cannot expand to my full creative genius because something is fundamentally wrong with me."
- Disloyalty and abandonment, believing that "I cannot expand to my full success because it would cause me to end up all alone, be disloyal to my roots, and leave behind people from my past."
- Believing that more success brings a bigger burden, believing that "I can't expand to my highest potential because I'd be an even bigger burden than I am now."
- The crime of outshining, believing that "I must not expand to my full success, because if I did I would outshine ______ and make him or her look or feel bad."
When we work on these four areas, we can adjust our upper limit so we can enjoy and thrive in our success.
Gay Hendricks talks about four different zones in which we live our lives. The first is the Zone of Incompetence, then there is the Zone of Competence, the Zone of Excellence, and the Zone of Genius. According to the book, "the Zone of Genius is the set of activities you are uniquely suited to do. They draw upon your special gifts and strengths." This is the stuff that doesn't seem like work to you. This is what you dream of doing, to change the world, or do what seems so easy to you, it seems that everyone must be able to do it, but somehow they can't. What excites you? When you are in your Zone of Genius, you are doing what you love, and it flows, it's both easy and enjoyable.
This upper limit problem can be a big factor in sickness, and it shows up in two ways: we don't have healthy habits - we don't do the things that we should be, or want to be, doing - and this wears down our bodies and makes them succeptable to illness, we also do things that stop ourselves from doing what we need to - like getting hurt when we start to exercise, so I am making it a big part of my health coaching. If you would like some coaching in this area, please Contact me. I have been working on this in my own life, and it has been influential in my ability to move ahead. I would love to help you by sharing what I have found.